1.  Since my last report, the student has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

 2.  I would not allow this student to breed.

 3.  This student has delusions of adequacy.

 4.  The student sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

 5.  This student is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

 6.  The student has a "full 6-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

 7.  Student has been working with glue too much.

 8.  When the student's IQ reaches 50, he/she should sell.

 9.  Student has a photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.

 10. "Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming".

 11. If this student was any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

 12. If you give the student a penny for his/her thoughts, you would get change.

 13. It's hard to believe this student beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.

 14. Student is one neuron short of a synapse.

 15. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."