Warning:  Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

   Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

   We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

   We are born naked, wet and hungry.  Then things get worse.

   Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

   He who laughs last thinks slowest!

   Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

   Lottery:  A tax on people who are bad at math.

   Hard work has a future payoff.  Laziness pays off now.

   Friends help you move.  Real friends help you move bodies.

   What is a "free" gift?  Aren't all gifts free?

   "Very funny, Scotty.  Now beam down my clothes."

   Puritanism:  The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

   Consciousness:  That annoying time between naps.

   I don't suffer from insanity.  I enjoy every minute of it.

   All generalizations are false.

   Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

   "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.

  "This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly.  It should be thrown
   with great force."
                -Dorothy Parker

  "Well if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?"
                -James Thurber

  "Life is a zoo in a jungle."
                -Peter DeVries

  "If one cannot invent a really convincing lie, it is often better
   to stick to the truth."
                -Angela Thirkell

   "We must believe in luck.  For how else can we explain the success of
   those we don't like?"
                -Jean Cocteau

   "Hollywood - a place where the inmates are in charge of the asylum."
                -Laurence Stallings

   "One of the most obvious facts about grown-ups to a child is that
    they have forgotten what it is like to be a child."
                -Randall Jarrell

   "A pessimist is a man who looks both ways when he's crossing a
    one-way street."

   "The world is divided into people who do things - and people who
    get the credit."
                -Dwight Morrow

   "I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end."

   "The past is a foreign country - they do things differently there."
                -L.P.Harley

    "The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible
    worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true."

    "So little time, so little to do."
                -Oscar Levant

    "No man is ever old enough to know better."
                -Holbrook Jackson

    "Old age is always 15 years older than I am."
                -Bernard Baruch

    "Nobody really sings in an opera.  They just make loud noises.":
                -Amelita Galli-Curei

    "Money isn't everything: usually it isn't even enough."
                -Anonymous

    "History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have
     exhausted all other alternatives."
                -Abba Eban

    "History is an endless repetition of the wrong way of living."
                -Lawerence Durrell

    "Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an
    even smaller hole, with weapons singularly illdesigned for the purpose."
                -Winston Churchill

    "For the female of the species is more deadly than the male."
                -Rudyard Kipling

    "I am firm.  You are obstinate.  He is a pig-headed fool."
                -Katherine Whitehorn

    "A professor is someone who talks in someone else's sleep."
                -W.H.Auden

    I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather,
    not screaming in abject horror like his passengers.

   The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
   discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but  "That's funny ..."
       --  Isaac Asimov